shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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