you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
