I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
