so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize