If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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