yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
