wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize