Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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