Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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