So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
