Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
