So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
