I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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