Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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