Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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