What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
