apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
