i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
