I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
