I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
