My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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