i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
