I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Less talking, more tequila
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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