"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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