So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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