My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
