Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
