Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
