he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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