my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
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All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
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The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
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