Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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