all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Randomize
