If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
