omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
