its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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