I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
