i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
