Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
