Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
