I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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