I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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