My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
