party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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