Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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