batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
