he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
