just come out here and I will go home with you...
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
