just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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