ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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