He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
