i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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