I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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