Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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