When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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