my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm just crazy horny about you
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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