No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
