Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize