Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
