remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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