nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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