so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
