Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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