based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
