I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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