i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
