I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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