booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
