So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He passed out mid-signature
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
