checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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