glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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