I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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