I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
