Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
