sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just gift wrapped bread.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
