so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
