Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
