either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
