Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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