there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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