i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
