How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
