I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
